Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize