so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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