My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
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I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
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And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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