my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
