she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
