He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
