I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
