Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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