Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
