living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
