you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
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Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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