I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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