He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Shame - the story of my life.
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