I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
