Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
