I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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