so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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