someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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