You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
