I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
