Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
