I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
