My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
