one word: firstdatebathroomanal
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
