but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
