so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
