The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
