I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
