I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
