wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...