I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
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My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
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In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair