I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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