didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
