I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
