Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
