Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do vagina's smell?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
