Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
