don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
