I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
