i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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