Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
