I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize