I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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