never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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