I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't think brook has ever known best
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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