so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
