My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
