I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
