our cab driver is having phone sex.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
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I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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