i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
