you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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