Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
