WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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