I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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