He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
