she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
