i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
