yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
