:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
