this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
