Your face is a jimmy john
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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