Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
