this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
