I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
