Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
we're so committed to being not committed
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
