after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
