u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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