ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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