I need to stop coming to work sober
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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