could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
