I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
