I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
