i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
