Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
