We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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